she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
