Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
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She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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