we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
