My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
