Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
