Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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