can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
