all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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