Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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