I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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