I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
