I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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