Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
