i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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