Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
