dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
