So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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