so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
