Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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