He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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