Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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