I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
