I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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