Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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