so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
