I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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