You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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