community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
