better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
