He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
