You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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