You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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