I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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