I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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