And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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