I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
