a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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