I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
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