You made me cry and you don't even care
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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