eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
