The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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