I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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