I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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