Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
