Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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