My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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