Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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