Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
