im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
