PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
