I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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