I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
