That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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