You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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