walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
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I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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