So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
