he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Alive.
So much puke
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
