You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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