he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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