I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
