Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
