a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize