and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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