i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
