he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
