I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
