I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
