4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
