All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
