i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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