Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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