I'm pants shitting drunk right now
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
