i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
