All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
