You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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