I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
