If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
