have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
