As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize