Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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