i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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